Happy Black History Month

I do have a fun side to me, I'm not always serious like many describe me. I'd thought I post an informative post for all my friends and family to read in celebration of black history month. The following are based on my actual experiences living in Utah and West Virginia. Side note: If I am the only brown friend you have, you may want to broaden your horizons and befriend a brown friend. Contrary to popular belief the black experience is not one experience, so please don't base your perceptions on me from the single other experience you've had with another brown person. My experiences may be a bit skewed being that I'm bi-racial.

10 things not question or assume about a brown girl

1. Do-not-touch-my-hair...no it's not a weave, I know it's quiet different but that doesn't warrant you the opportunity to touch it...unless you are my husband or child. And don't ask if you can touch it either!

Oprah, once said that a black woman cares about her hair like a white woman cares about the maintenance of a slim figure. White mothers pressure their daughters to be thin, black mothers pressure their daughters to have "good hair". So basically based on what Oprah says, people asking to touch my hair is as taboo as me asking to touch someone's body. In all seriousness, I feel very uncomfortable when someone wants to touch my hair. It's like pointing to me and telling me I'm different and I feel like the only brown child in a homeroom classroom...flash backs of my childhood, ahhh don't get me started!

                          I thought I'd try Bantu Knots in celebration of Black History Month.

This was the look I was going for.

This can be done on any type of hair, check out this tutorial here!

2. Yes, I do sunburn and in the summer months I get darker just like you. Surprise, surprise I use sunscreen so stop looking at me like I'm crazy.

My Tongan grandma always tried to keep me out of the sun, I could still hear her voice "Nadiva you are pretty when you are lighter...but your so blaaack, how come you so blaaack? You go swimming everyday? Why don't you stay inside, stay away from the sun!"

3. Don't assume that if you have another brown friend that I will "fit in" or "connect" with them solely based on the color of our skin. Also, don't assume that because I'm brown I will have nothing in common with you.

When I was single, people always tried to color-code my dating experience. My institute teachers were notorious for trying to set me up with their other brown students (yup all 3 of them). When I began dating Derek, they were shocked as to say "how did that happen?" . I have more in common with my husband than anyone else I've ever dated. I never have to worry about being Polynesian or black enough for him. It's like assuming that all Mormons have the same experiences and should be best friends based on their religious preferences. Are you best friends with all the Mormons you know?


4. Contrary to the joke that the most confusing day for a black child is Father's Day. It' doesn't apply to me. (which is why I say the black experience varies from person to person).

For some reason people feel the need to share every black joke they know, it's never funny to me. I will never give you a charity laugh to make you feel like the joke was appropriate. 

5. If your going to throw out black slang to me, I will intentionally make you feel like the idiot you are.

 Why do people feel the need to talk ghetto to me? Do you think it makes me feel comfortable? If you really knew me, you would know that my father was very strict about speaking properly...even went so far as to make us look up words in the dictionary in order to broaden our vocabulary. 


 I took Acalias to a wellness check up and the Dr. kept referring to his skin as "Ashy". I asked him if that was the correct medical term for what he was describing . His face turned bright red as he shifted around uncomfortably and finally referred to my son's skin as being dry.

6. No I'm not musically talented, no I don't play basketball or volleyball. No I'm not a convert (well everyone is in their own way). No Derek didn't find me while he was serving a mission in Africa or some other black country.

For some reason these are the top assumptions when I move into a new ward. They were also assumptions on my mission. Everyone gets so disappointed when I tell them I can't do a special musical number or head up the ward volleyball team. 


7. Yes this is my child. Yes he has fair skin, but do you really want me to start pointing out the obvious when it comes to you?

I've concluded that many people are just ignorant (especially here in West Virginia)!

To my Polynesian family and friends...

8. Running does not come easy to me.

Stop referencing my black side when it comes to running. I did not grow up in Africa...or run 10 miles to and from school. I have yet to even trace my Ancestry back to Africa and I've gone back 4 generations!  Next time your at an organized race, look around how many brown runners (Elite runner Africans not included) do you really see? If running were easy, everyone would do it so please don't underestimate the effort I put in becoming a proficient runner. 

To my Haitian/Black family & friends... 

9. Just because I'm from Utah, I'm married to a Causation, I don't drink and I'm Mormon doesn't mean I can't dance.

All eyes were on me when I visited Florida to celebrate my Grandma's 80th birthday. I sure showed them!

10. I don't like some of Obama's political views...so what! That doesn't mean I'm ignorant of African American struggles and deny my black side.

On a happier note, I made another dress. I'm such an addict! My friend gave me a box of  awesome fabric, I can't wait to start the endless other projects now that I have a ton of fabric to work with.

The Bantu Knot out didn't look right, I don't think I did enough twists for the amount of the hair I have. I will try it again and get back to you with better results.

I Also made this matching tie, Acalias managed to find it and hide it (he hides everything these days).

 I was sad he didn't wear it when I wore my dress to church.

My next project is a suit jacket for Derek and Acalias!